Need help finishing hammock poem

[froldt]

As I was stringing up my hammock this afternoon (first hang after installing bolts), a couple of lines popped into mind. Based on "The Night Before Christmas" poem, this is what I've got so far:

Twas the day before Thursday
and all through the place
This creature was stirring,
a grin of delight on his face.

The hammock was hung
on the patio with care,
knowing that Nap Time
soon would be there.

Then I was nestled
all snug in my threads
Visions of camping
danced in my head.

The missus came to me
with a tappity, tap, tap.
And we both settled down
for a short summer nap.

[slowhike]

There was actually a thread that included a similar type poem one apon a time, if someone can find it

[E.A.Y.]

Love it!
Can't write verses but have some scanning suggestions:

1st verse last line, try just "delight on his face" has same rhythm as "not even a mouse"

3rd verse "While visions of camping out Danced in my head"

not sure what to do with the 4th verse but I think it needs another syllable in the first line and I'd try just "Tappity tap"

write more, please! Something should happen - like divebombing squirrels during naptime or something.

[1Poet]

I don't remember what comes next in the Christmas poem, but I can help if I had it in front of me. That's what I do for a living. PM me the part you are having trouble with and I'll see what I can do. Good job so far.

[froldt]

Thanks for the advice, eay!

Actually, we hadn't been napping long before a helicopter flew by, then another, then they came back, one-at-a-time... grr...

I had an idea for the next couple lines, but there I got stuck:
While up in the sky
there arose such a clatter,
I opened one eye
to see what was the matter.

From here, I'm not sure where to go. Can't figure out what to rhyme with helicopter, or how to fit in the next verse. 1Poet, if you have any advice, I'd enjoy hearing it.
I found a copy of the poem online:
http://www.christmas-tree.com/storie...christmas.html

[bigbamaguy]

Froldt:
instead of helicopter use the slang "chopper" it will allow easier rhyming........I think!

[earplug94]

This is really really really bad- but made me laugh


Then a large raccoon jumped onto my feet
With a big old fat belly.
He decided to bite into my toe
And then the clouds opened up with sleet.

I fought off the raccoon
As my missus began to run
She screamed and screamed
And our nap ended with no fun

I had decided that I had enough
That raccoon had messed with the wrong hanger
I gathered up all my stuff
And knocked that hairy #$%stard into oblivion.

The last sentence doesn't work. Well then again- none of it really works. But it cracked me up just a little bit. I will leave the true poetry to the more inclined in this forum.

earplug

[Skittles]

Trying my luck at this, altering what you had started. I'm not a poet either, but this was funny to us.

Twas the day before Thursday and all through the place
This creature was stirring, delight on his face.
The hammock was hung on the patio with care
knowing that Nap Time would soon be there.

Then I was nestled all snug in my threads
While visions of backpacking danced in my head.
Wrapped in my top quilt, down booties on my feet
My underquilt pulled up tight, looking nice and neat.

The missus came to me with a tappity, tap, tap.
And we both settled down for a short winter nap.
The wind blew softly, whisping here and there
Then my nose told me it was only her long hair

While up in the sky there arose such a clatter,
I opened one eye to see what was the matter.
Those choppers are loud and annoying in sound
I flipped them off while dreaming of a campground.

The sun set low, glowing yellow, orange and pink
the subtle sounds of slurping as my dog gets a drink.
My hammock sways slightly and I take no care
soon to realize that something is there.

The aroma rises, taking my breath from me
My wife under my arm, I struggled to see
I heard the pitter-patter under my gear
Slowly I saw him, a skunk did appear!

I scrambled around, as cuss words flew free
Screaming and pushing my wife off me.
she fell to the ground, staring skunk in the face
The dog took off, giving the him a good chase

I now sleep in my hammock, out in the backyard
reminded quite often, how her heart is scarred.
the dog sleeps warm all snuggled in my bed
she holding her hero sweetly, not me instead.

Little does she know, the hammock is my friend
Holding me up and safe, a true godsend
So now I win, my pride back in place
hammock is better than that old suitcase.

[froldt]

Those are both great versions of the poem! Each of them certainly made me laugh. Humbled, I'm not sure that I can top either of them, but shall continue to try (once I finish this blasted history paper!)